the awakening

I woke in the black of early morning, reached for my Breviary, turned on my bedlamp and winced in pain.

People with light colored eyes have issues with bright lights, even an unbright bedlamp. It’s a reason I usually have a furrowed brow or sunglasses in photos. And, when saying Mass under thirty or so spotlights, it’s usually … a bit too bright. It’s a cause non celebre, and I need new glasses.

But most of all, I was overwhelmed with the bleakness of Job.

“My flesh is covered with rottenness; my skin is cracked and festering”. And the gloom of the Mass Gospel loomed, as the disciples walk so unknowingly with Jesus into the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

But I had things to do with the day, and couldn’t be held down pondering these things too long. Time was tight after all! Today was a work day we had organized to help my niece move some things out, set some aside for resale, and clean out the holding area of all of this stuff which was in her back carport. I rented a truck, made a batch of perfect spaghetti and meat balls, set the day aside and got a good night’s sleep.

the day

It’s actually a long story which has to do with the amount of things in my parents’ household when it was sold, and the comparatively simple size of my niece’s home. This all went fairly well, but, unfortunately, my niece had not gone through everything that we thought she had gone through. So some things were moved without her having gone through them. I apologized.

On the bright side, the carport is immaculate. It’s a great place to sit and visit, and for kids to play.

But, the day had started off, so soon after walking through these maudlin readings, with my brother’s trip to the doctor. God bless him, he does have some mental health issues.

He brings his medicines with him and hides them around the car. Usually he has some very important papers which he stuffs under the seat, or puts into my care. Then he wants to stop and buy a pack of Advil at the gas station. When you get there he asks for 5 dollars. And then he wants to stop in for a cup of coffee and some smokes at a local cafe. His appointments don’t take all that long, but he always has to wait around for the doctors to write letters of recommendation, or refer for prescriptions, because he’s a very important person and these things will happen right away.

Or he has something else to do which has caught his attention. Meanwhile he casually asks everyone around for cigarettes. Ultimately your patience is on it’s last edge. He smokes a cigarette. Finds his way back up to his doctor’s office. Comes down. Asks for, receives, and smokes another cigarette. It’s something which obviously can’t go on.

These poor people probably give him cigarettes because he looks so frightening, and pale and ancient. We honestly just don’t know what to do with him anymore, or how to help him. His doctors don’t either. When I left this evening he was hiding his medications in the hot water heater. He had to stand on the washing machine to do this, wearing dirty boots, as he casually explained that he thought something might be wrong with the hot water heater.

I waste away: I cannot live forever; let me alone, for my days are but a breath.
…
You observe him with each new day and try him at every moment!
How long will it be before you look away from me,
and let me alone long enough to swallow my spittle.?”
…
For soon I shall lie down in the dust;
and should you seek me I shall then be gone.”

I have a long way to go in life. Priests generally retire late.

I’d better get some rest, and plan a but more gym time.

Wednesday’s child usually ‘is full of woe.’ For me, I have far to go.

the resolution

“Then, Lord, I remember your mercy and your deeds from all eternity, knowing that you deliver those who hope in you and save them from the hands of their enemies.” Sirach